57! one-liners

1. I'm nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.
2. If I save time, when do I get it back?
3. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
4. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's Left.
5. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
6. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say.
7. If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?
8. Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough
9. Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun..
10. Your future depends on your dreams: So go to sleep!
11. ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
12. Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop
13. A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject
14. A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
15. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting..
16. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
18. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
19. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
20. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
21. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
22. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
23. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
24. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
28. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
29. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
30. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
31. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you've been made upside-down.
32. Everything you like is bad for you in some way.
33. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
34. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
35. No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.
36. Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours!
37. Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in front of board which said 'FINE FOR PARKING'
38. Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.
39. My insomnia is so bad, I can't even sleep on the job.
40. People have one thing in common: they are all different.
41. A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.
42. God is the one who pulls you from the wreckage of your own decisions.
43. We come to love not by finding the perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly!
44. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
45. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
46. Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don't care.
47. Be thankful to problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.
48. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
49. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
50. All things come to him who waits, but they come sooner if he goes out to see what's wrong.
51. It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
52. I either want less corruption, or more chances to participate in it.
53. A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away. A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
54. No man is as clever as his mother thinks he is or as dumb as his mother-in-law thinks he is.
55. Flattery is hearing from others the things you have already thought about yourself.
56. If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them.
57. Never make the same mistake twice... there are so many new ones to make

Guys, send in more.. and lets add to the list.... (may be we will end up with one dedicated to one liners!!!)